Dear Nana:

You wrote: “this guy is not a bad guy to an extreme point, he is at heart a very good guy. When is in love he showers me with a lot of affection”.

All people are born good as babies and are good, loving little boys and girls. Then life happens. Some become bad people, “bad… to an extreme point” as you mentioned. Most people don’t get.. cemented in badness. Instead, they are still loving but also impulsive, like your boyfriend.

You wrote that he “doesn’t know how to manage stress”, that “he doesn’t know how to be alone”, and that “his insecurities always gets the best of him”. What these mean is that trusting him would be very unwise. Not because he is a bad person by intent or malice, but because he is very likely to hurt you when stress gets to him (and it will), when he finds himself alone, when he drinks again, and so forth.

Aiming at trusting him because he is affectionate with you at times, because you can see in his eyes that he is good, because you feel empathy for him, is not a good aim. Better aim at trusting those who are worthy of your trust.

You wrote that he “was merely attracted to her physically. He told me he was only ‘flirting’ with her”- doesn’t read honest to me. I think he is too impulsive to be able to be very honest. Sometimes he is honest, at other times he is not. Reads to me that he was trying to make you feel better suggesting to you that he was only physically attracted to her (But is it a feel-better point for you? I mean if he cheats on you in the future because he would be physically attracted to another, would that be okay with you…)

Reads to me overall that it is better for you to distant yourself from him before you get hurt again, to extricate yourself from an intimate relationship with him. What do you think/ feel?

anita