Dear anita,
It feels so good to read your generous feedback about me. The woman you describe is a model, an ideal I aspire to become. Truth to be told, I am not controlling and bossy for the sake of self affirmation, but mostly out of care, or worry, or anxiety. Being leader and perfectionist by nature, I am very demanding towards myself an, consequently, towards others. This is natural and automatic for me. Few years ago I came to the realization that this is a big shortcoming and I was working ever since on the self improvement in this area. This is really hard. The hardest part is to catch yourself the moment you start controlling as it happens suddenly and automatically. Another issue is to differentiate an unhealthy control with the healthy one (proper son education or a relevant advice). The fine line is almost invisible.
Your words go straight to my heart. And I agree with you totally. However, I was practicing with more or less success the concept of the acceptance. Radical acceptance or ACT. Was challenging my need of feeling loved. And it works sometimes. Especially because I am a happy and optimistic person by nature. My natural state is feeling good. But… there is this something so important which is missing and which I long for. If I could eradicate this need I would be perfectly happy. I would work hard to achieve complete emotional independence. I know it is just another dream.
Ok, let’s set aside the heart of my husband for a moment. What about my son and his heart, his teen years? And how am I supposed to feel happier by my own for the rest of my life? This marriage was my life project and I will put a final signature on its failure.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 