Hi riris,

First of all, I think awareness of your situation is a good step. But my question to you is when you fall into these toxic patterns, do you feel some sort of a high? Does the impulsiveness of these actions create excitement and pleasure for you?

Chances are there must be something else to your own personal narrative that continues to allow you to act out in toxic ways-without you having much control. You have already done the hard work in admitting it. But how does it feel for you when you take responsibility for your actions? such as apologizing and displaying this apologetic side to the person you are hurting or have hurt?

-Eli