Dear Annie:

“I don’t know in which dark place I am”, you wrote. You are probably in the same dark place you were in as a child (“I had some traumatic childhood experience”, a quote from your original post). Unless we heal from a traumatic childhood, we keep experiencing it emotionally.

“But in my mind everyone is happy and I am loser”- true to me and everyone else, in my experience, that when we feel that we are losers we see everyone else as winners. It is not true to reality, but this is how it seems to the one depressed, it seems like everyone, or almost everyone is happy.

“now I am disconnected with my parents”- this is not necessarily a bad thing. It is often a very good thing if your parents hurt you by causing that “traumatic childhood experience” you mentioned.

You wrote: “I feel I will take a stupid decision at the end of this road”. Can you tell me what stupid decision you are referring to?

“how can I love a person who didn’t care about my safety and dignity as a husband, who broke promises of starting a family, who spent lavishly and irresponsibly while I slogged in office. Why can’t I accept that it was not love… All I wanted was love and I am here sitting alone still looking for it. Is world so scary place devoid of all this”-

My input: there is lots of aggression in the world and not enough love. So yes, the world is scary that way. You asked how can you love a man who didn’t love you- my answer: if you experienced love within your family of origin or elsewhere before you met him, then you would have been able to compare and see that he didn’t love you. But because you didn’t have such an experience, you held on and still, you hold on to any memory of what appears like love. The little love you experienced with him seems like a lot because of the emptiness before him and after him.

Love is available for you, not with him. There is a man out there who will love you, you just didn’t meet him yet. Please don’t lose hope, and instead of making that stupid decision you referred to, make wise decisions that will get you closer to the love you still need, the love we all need.

anita