Dear Riris:

In your original post you wrote: “There is a pattern in my life.. : anger fits, cheating.. I don’t know where this comes from, why I act in that manner.. Can anyone help me?” – I will try. I noticed two things that can explain this:

1. The traumatic experience you had as a child, having suffered from a brain infection and paralysis. This affected you significantly, I imagine.  How,  I don’t know.

2. Your mother criticizing and disapproving of you: “I always feel that my mother is disappointed. It has to be her way of living, and if not, she’ll criticize every move or things I say. It’s like I should be someone else, to reach her standards.” In your most recent post you wrote about your mother: “I value her judgment highly”.

If you value her judgment highly still, at this point in your life, then you still believe that you are a disappointment, that you have been a disappointment since childhood, that you did wrong and said wrong as a child and ever since.

Believing this is enough to make a person very angry. The cheating may be an expression of your anger. What do you think?

anita