Dear Zoe:

The step by step roadmap will have to have these elements:

1. Your patience. It will be a long, difficult road  to take. You will feel anxious and uncomfortable a lot of times along the  way. Sometimes you will despair, asking yourself what-is-the-point. It will take what I call excruciating patience, that is more and more patience, persisting and continuing the walk through the distress, through the darkness along the way.

2. Your relationship with your father as is needs to be discontinued. I don’t  think you are ready at this point to  confront him, not yet.  Maybe  in the future, maybe not. But the as-is relationship has to end. Minimizing  and severely limiting  contact  is a good idea.

3. Your adjustment   was made according to the value of surviving your family of  origin, a worthy goal. Now as  an adult, you are no longer dependent on them, financially; you can feed  and shelter  yourself, correct? If so, develop and dedicate yourself to a new value: to-thine-own-self-be-true. Give yourself the voice you silenced. (But be  prepared for the anxiety involved in locating that voice  and then voicing  it).

4. Practice locating  and making your voice heard every day in small ways.  No opportunity is too small to practice this. There is less anxiety when you practice this in a situation where you don’t  have a lot  to lose, so start there. Practice  in small ways for as long  as it takes.  Only  after  this practice will you be a able  to voice  and  assert yourself in more significant  life  situations, where you may have more   to  lose, or risk losing.

Post again anytime.

anita