Hello City Girl,

I can relate to your situation somewhat, and am sharing my story with you. Make of it what you will.

I’ve been in love with one of my best friends for almost a decade. Over that decade, I have been humbled to see him grow into a wonderful man. Generous, diplomatic, practical, loyal. Honest.  He really is the person I love most in this world- possibly because we’ve never had the complications of romance to deal with.

He loves me dearly as a friend and it would hurt us both if I cut off our friendship. But yeah: being together as a couple will never happen. I finally had the courage to tell him 5 years ago, he said he did not feel the same way and nothing has happened to suggest he feels otherwise now. (Indeed I was with his brother for 3 years, so I know he would not be with me simply out of honor. Stupidly I dated his brother because I could not face telling him how I felt.) In many ways, he fills the role of a partner for me. When he has a girlfriend I experience a tangible loss as he gives his time and energies to them.

Anyway: I have met, and loved, people since. My heart is big enough for more than one person – he taught me that.

But I still want the things that come with a relationship, I accept that they will be with others and not with he. My feelings for him will probably not change and at times I do feel conflicted, it is hard to see  him with another woman. It really hurts.
(But then maybe he found it hard to see me with his brother for so long too – I have this intuition that we could have been together, long ago.) I accept these difficulties as being the cost of my friendship with him.

Lovers come and go but some friends are for life and I cannot imagine my life without him.