I’m definitely at the stage of not being remotely interested in dating anyone, and even more so at the stage, that I can’t even imagine it!

Sounds familiar. I remember feeling like that after my very first romance. I remember the voice of reason in my head telling me, “Sure, you will fall in love again, but you will never feel those fireworks and that intensity of emotion.” Well, I guess that voice was both right and wrong. I did fall in love again two more times and had a couple of infatuations serious enough so that I would  consider my supposed future life with the man in question (those infatuations didn’t last long, but I do remember how I felt for some time, lasting from a couple of days to several weeks). That voice was wrong as regards the intensity of emotion. Or rather they could not be compared. How can you compare a thin line zigzagging up and down and going very high and very down with acute angles and a thick line going as a sine wave? So I say make a note of how you feel now and be pleasantly surprised when you evaluate your feelings some five years from now :))

Im on anti-anxiety antidepressants for the past two years, since the first split with my ex. I reduced them to a very low dose when we reunited but increased them again a few weeks ago, after this second split and yes, they have helped to take the overwhelming intensity off my emotions.

Good! I recalled after my post that I had actually spent six months on that introductory dose and sighed with relief after six months of no worsening after I went off them. Has had no need for them since and, as I said, even those bleak episodes of time going still and that feeling that EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS BE LIKE IT IS IN THIS VERY MOMENT – FOREVER, WITH NO IMPROVEMENT (even though on the intelligent level of my mind I knew it not to be true because change is the only constant in life) – even those episodes that started to happen as early as when I was 15-16 years old – even they never returned again.

I resonate with what you were saying about not wanting to exist as such. You didn’t want to take your own life but if you could switch off your life without any impact on anyone, that was your desire! Same!!! I wouldn’t do anything, I feel like if I have to suffer for the rest of my days endurong this sad life, I’ll do it, for my family. It will just be my lot in life.

Yes, exactly!

It’s been 10.5 wks and I’m genuinely wishing every day away until I get to a year in the hopes I’ll feel better by then. This is torture.

Again, sounds very familiar. I remember telling myself that I would just plough through this day and try not to think that the day to come would be just like this one. Basically, trying to divide life to come into smaller segments and do my best to become engrossed by each of them – as best as I could. I guess that is where mindfulness becomes useful. Then after some time after some event – maybe an interesting documentary or something that captivates your mind so much that you lose track of time, maybe somebody’s story told live – you will glance back at that time span, maybe as short as a twenty minutes or a couple of hours, and realise that you haven’t thought a bit about your love drama or your ex. And then, slowly but surely, such time periods will become longer and more often. And then you will turn back and realise that three days somewhere travelling were so exciting and full of new experiences that you haven’t thought about him or you for three days! And there you will be! 🙂

Just like that psychologist, Zberovskiy, I would highly recommend an amusement park. Do an attraction involving heights and drops (something I used to be very afraid of). I remember doing it and being bemused at how little fear I was feeling. But it did shake me up a little bit – and even if it doesn’t, afterwards you feel proud that you finally did something (or finally wasn’t afraid of something) that you were afraid of for a long time.