Dear Nichole:

“She needed me”. No. You needed her for a long, long time and she wasn’t there for you.

The fact that she is dead doesn’t change this fact. If it was you that she  needed, when she gave  birth to you  three decades ago, she would have had then what she  needed, this beautiful baby girl looking at her with nothing  but love. She would have relaxed then, having you in her arms, having what she needed.

This is what happened: “She became addicted to drugs when I was a child… she continued doing drugs until I was aged 14”- she had you, baby, toddler, young child, a teenager. If she needed you, she wouldn’t have been doing drugs, she would have felt good having you in her life, waking up every morning to the thought of this child needing her. and she  would have been motivated to do her very best to be there for you, to be worthy of your love for her.

The fact that she was troubled before you were born and after, and then her drug addiction led to her sickness and early death is very unfortunate. But don’t misinterpret this one piece of reality: you needed her all along, not the other way around. She failed you,  not the other way around.

And now, there is one woman who is in pain, and that woman is you. Not her, no pain there anymore.

Now, what do you do to make your life  less painful?

anita