Dear Eli:

So there is an established lack of equality: it is okay for him to have a wife who sleeps in her own bedroom but it is not okay for you to have a boyfriend who also sleeps in his own bedroom, and even better: his own home!

And this lack of equality is established by his money that finances your travels and shopping.

You used the word “mistress” so I just looked it up and found that Wikipedia has an entry on “Mistress (lover”): “A mistress is relatively long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner, especially when her partner is married to someone else. Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple does not live together openly and the relationship is usually, but not  always, secret. There is also the implication that the mistress is sometimes ‘kept’- i.e. that her lover is contributing to her living expenses… A mistress is not a prostitute… the principal difference is that a mistress has sex with fewer men and there is not so much of a direct quid pro quo between the money and the sex act. There is usually an emotional and  possibly social relationship between a man and his mistress, whereas the relationship to a prostitute is predominantly sexual.”

Well, according to this definition, a prostitute is free to have as many sexual partners as she can handle and a mistress is expected to have “fewer men”, not necessarily just one. If you want to remain his mistress, according to Wikipedia, as I understand it,  you may be able to negotiate the terms of the relationship to include a few men, not just him. Or if it is to be just him, then there should be some   adjustment in the terms of the relationship?

anita