Dear SraTB:

You wrote regarding your mother: “I can see resemblances in her nature and mine”. From your short post I see resemblance between your mother and every human being, and most other animals as well.

Let’s look at that resemblance: “My mother easily gets angry  and  upset with me… She’s afraid of my brother and  is very submissive in his presence”-  if  you look at dog behavior, when a  dog fears a bigger, aggressive dog, it submits, turns to  its back and submits, the bigger dog is satisfied and walks away, leaving the submitted dog uninjured and alive. On the other hand, if a dog encounters a smaller, weaker dog, it will display aggression toward it, and the smaller dog may be  the one to submit.

You wrote about your mother: “I am also worried for her as it’s time  for me to get back to my life and she will not have anyone to vent to or vent at.  I  don’t enjoy being vented at but she needs an outlet for her fears and frustrations”. Going back to my canine example, the smaller, weaker dog that submitted, is thinking to itself (if it could think): I better stick around in the submission position because  it  will make this other aggressive dog feel better. No, I don’t like being barked at, it  feels bad, but she needs to bark at someone weaker. If I am not here, she may have no one weaker to bark at.

I suggest that you do worry for yourself and exit the situation where you are the object of your mother’s aggression. Sure aggression is born  out of fear, but it is still aggression. Plus, your submission, and  her continuing to vent, will not resolve her fear. It  is only a distraction from her fear.

I figure your inner voice which you wrote about June of this year, is the mental representative of your aggressive mother, isn’t it: “My inner  voice… It’s scolding me, telling  me I’m giving up before I begin… I feel like I haven’t got  too many  lucky breaks and  I could use some to  feel  I’m being  looked after. I struggle for every little thing- what  should  I say, how should I counter this, how should I justify this- so much so that  I feel I  have neither intelligence nor judgment left”-

Your mother is not going to give you the “lucky breaks” you need, because she needs to vent, she  needs to  distract herself from her fear via aggression displayed against you. And you will continue to  not be “looked after” by your mother. So better you look after yourself and not avail yourself to your mother, not submit to her, not volunteer to be the object of her venting.

Away from her, you have a chance to  resurrect that intelligence and judgment you mentioned.

anita