Dear Eli:

Regarding your  mother: she doesn’t want you to be  a burden on her. Fine. But she should not follow you as she has done and be a burden to you. It really is none  of her business whether you stay in the relationship with this man or not. Having no contact with this selfish woman is best  for you.

“I want my freedom and my privacy“- this  is a very strong need that  you have. Probably because of the suffocating presence  of your mother in your life, the lack of freedom and  privacy with her.

“I want my partner love me care about me support me as well and do  the best  for me”, and at the same time, a man who will allow you to say what is on your mind without limits, not argue with you, not pressure you to talk when you don’t feel like it, and give you the freedom and privacy that you need so much, “I prefer some times be alone do every thing I like say every thing I want  without limit.. I don’t like to explain and convince people and some times I am not in the mood for talking”.

You like to travel, which gives you perhaps that sense  of freedom that you highly value and you don’t want to be too responsible for others, again, it is that sense of freedom that you need so much, “I don’t like to  accept responsibility I prefer to control my own life only“.

Now specifically, regarding this man: the benefit as I see it is that he is married and has three  children, and therefore is not a man who is eager to get married and have children. So you don’t have the responsibility for children or for a husband. He is with you sometimes but you get a lot of the freedom and privacy that you need.

The problem is that you do “missed him so much” and  you are distressed  about him having a wife who is not you. Clearly, you need a man who  is single and who is able and willing to respect your strong need for freedom and privacy, of time alone.

Regarding his plan: “he told  me after 5 years he  will say her has me in his life  and is she don’t want she can  go”- meaning when his younger kid is ten and older is 17, then he will tell his wife not that  he  wants a divorce, but that she must accept that he has a lover, and  only if she refuses to accept it, then she can leave him. Did I understand  correctly?

anita