Dear Nichole:

You are welcome.

Yes, it is that “well I guess a lifetime of abuse” that is  the reason for the anxiety returning. I wish it wasn’t so. But I don’t make the rules,  unfortunately. Because if I made the rules I will feel good  forevermore and so will you, feeling good every day, every moment  of the day and then going to bed  with a smile,  looking forward to another good day to come.

It is my experience in childhood that keeps being reactivated. It  is not my  choosing, it is how the brain operates, automatically. If you lived your childhood in fear, your brain does its best to feel as little of it  as possible, not being present so to… well, not be there as much as possible. It  forgets a lot. It daydreams. But the fear, that is well recorded and  when we find  ourselves at a certain adult age, away from the  home of origin, here is  that fear.

There is one more thing. That home  of origin, it wasn’t bad all the time. There were moments of affection, of comfort, peace and good food. There were smiles. So when we are away from the  home  of origin we miss those few comforts. I  think this is why  you  now feel lonely.

Hope is about a life where you are never  abused.  To find that  life,  you have to give up on and let  go of  the comfort mixed in that abuse that you had in your original home.

anita