I wont contact her. When we were talking for the last time I was honest to her. She knows I still like her, she know Im not okay and she knows she has part in it. lot of things that are bothering me i explained in my last post. Its like i know there are people who are way worse on it than me. But this just doesnt cut it. The feeling when you think no one is coming trough a bigger pain. I complain for being lonely, but I just expect people ot come to me. Its not how it works. To keep friends you have to work on it. I am a big procrstinator. I might be clever, but im lazy and I complain for being lazy but i dont do anything against it. Thats what I do best. Complain. Complain on others, complain on myself.  i feel selfish.