I’m really sorry to hear this story, it has been a pile of s*** from day one by the sound of things. I can understand the living situation and not wanting to live with strangers. When I live with strangers it is overwhelming being in their presence, it should be a human right to have your own space and not be considered normal to share your home with strangers. No other animals really do this for good reason.

Do you live in the UK? Have you considered applying for support or grants? Things like PIP for mental health grants, they are quick to fill out and you can get help via citizens advice? It could provide you with an income to get away or to find a cheap place perhaps? Not sure if there are other solutions where you are?

Also if you are at home there are jobs you can do online, they don’t tend to pay a big income but it can be something to help you. Websites like Money Shed are good for starters. Plus it can give you something to do and they have a community of people online who will help you through everything. You can make £300/400 a month which is rent money for example or a holiday which might be good.

Do you know of any support groups locally for those who may be struggling with similar issues? I recommend it from a practical perspective, it might be absolute hell to be there in a room of strangers but being around people really could be a lifeline for almost anything (work, home, support network, etc) and you don’t have to talk and generally there will be people there who are non-judgmental and who may have been through things like you?

It’s frustrating the lack of these groups really, you know you have strong drug and alcohol support networks set up by governments but there is a real lack of mental health ones.

Have you considered more radical treatment? I’m not sure if I’m allowed to mention it but it some countries they have quite “radical” methods of treatment for sufferers using plant medicines and natural remedies which can induce intense experiences but have also had “radical” results as well. I can point you in the direction for this if you’d like but I would recommend getting a stronger grounding first if possible with work etc so your mind can be more focused on your pain.

Either way, I would add that you’re trying to understand and “unravel” your life, something which you don’t need to do but is something the mind will do over and over again in an attempt to provide answers for you (keep you safer, etc). This can be a wasted endeavor and lead to rumination.

My best wishes,

B