Dear Manda:

Fear is a powerful force, so  no  wonder it stopped you every time you “try to work up the nerve  to  kick him out”-

Interesting, that as a child, your mother leaving was a danger and  you feared that, understandably, because it is dangerous for a child to be abandoned, or to  be  with a parent who  is not capable.

But now, the real danger is not that he leaves (you can feed and  shelter yourself, etc.), the real danger is that he  stays. And yet, the childhood fear takes over, fearing  what is not dangerous now, and  ignoring  what is dangerous now.

I hope you post again, before or after your therapy session!

anita