Mark,

I have tried suggesting counseling… but you can imagine how that went. Not so good. It’s funny how you suggested getting a dog, they have one who sleeps in the bed with them, so it’s not much help.

I’ve also implied that the fact that he sleeps in there is a little odd and that their whole relationship is odd, but the message just isn’t getting through. Their relationship with each other has really put a strain on our relationship. I just feel like I’m the third wheel now.

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it!

Anita,

It’s a very messed up situation. There aren’t any manuals on this subject, as my mom says. I don’t think me staying there will help them, is the conclusion I am getting at and I’m not sure how to broach the whole relationship with his mother issue.

I didn’t end up moving in with them and told my boyfriend I just want to live with him, not him and his mother. It has completely ruined our relationship and I haven’t talked to him since then. It makes me so angry that this is happening. 6 years down the drain.

I’ve been doing some research on codependent relationships and the oedipal complex and I’m leaning more toward the second. I just don’t think I will ever come first in this relationship. May be time to call it quits.

Thank you for your thoughts Anita, I’m very grateful.

GL,

Now looking back on it, I think there relationship was always a little odd and I’ve done some research on the oedipal complex and it seems fairly similar. My boyfriend is her only son, she sort of had an odd relationship with her husband and they were more like best friends rather than lovers, so my boyfriend always did things with her when he didn’t. She worked from home since he was born and never really leaves.. ever… and likes to be the one to buy things for everyone and do everything for everyone. I now view it as bribing. I’ll do this for you now and you’ll do stuff for me later… there is a good youtube video on it here.if anyone is interested.

Sounds just like them to me. As for the advice, I’ve tried it and it has never gone well. I tiptoe around that subject, but now may be the time to say it. My relationship is nonexistent with him at the moment so I might as well get everything out there.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Inky,

Yeah, its so hard when you’re in the middle of it. I understand their grief and it was hard seeing them go through all that, but its almost been 3 years.. I’m not saying to forget their father, but just to go about your normal life. However, this is their normal life now and it has gone on too long.

His mom isn’t in the greatest health.. but not to the point where he should be in there with her all the time. It’s weird, I knew it was weird, but when you love someone who has gone through a tragedy like they did you learn to look past those things. Whatever helps them heal.

Now, however, it has strained our relationship. Times up. I think I may be better off high tailing it out of their like you said. It might actually help them realize what they are doing isn’t healthy.

Thank you for your advice! I’ll probably end up doing that.