Hi Mrs Richards,

First things first, I am not a business owner, however I have had some similar experiences to you regarding being told what I should do, when my heart knew it wasn’t right.

I experienced this a lot through my whole childhood- being told to behave a certain why, do certain things and even down to the topics I should choose to speak about when around company. I was heavily critisized and my qualities were never celebrated or recognised by ‘the people who mattered’. These words were said to me at times when I was very vulnerable and impressionable and they were also confusing and contracting to the world around me and the other examples I had. It was one rule for me, another for others. It’s only now I’m starting to realise for so long I had these urges inside me to be who I was, but I just couldn’t be due to my circumstances. The words effected me so greatly, but yes, it made me a stronger person.

I feel somewhat connected to the words you say as I have never been ‘normal’ and my value system was different to anyone of that around me.

When choosing what to study in school and also university many people told me I shouldn’t be combining sciences and languages together, or that I shouldn’t be studying languages at all because theres no money in it or I should get a ‘proper job’.

I guess due to many years of this repeated negativity I reacted differently to you- when I was told, no, I thought ‘I will prove all of you wrong’. And so far I have done. I think the initial drive came from that- maybe partly to do with being a ‘rebellious teenager’ but also the fact that these passions were so strong inside me, there was no other alternative other than for me to pursue my dreams for me to be happy.

Regarding ‘blocking out the noise’- it’s so hard to be positive when everyone, even the world, seems to be against you. People who are ‘against’ you are those who don’t understand. People are threatened by alternative intelligence or ideas that aren’t ‘the norm’ etc. Women especially can be affected by this without it necessarily being that one professors fault… Like you wouldn’t be angry at someone who can’t speak Chinese if they’ve learned or had classes or been there…. If he has grown up in a place where men have the upper hand, where you have to live by one rule book, how could you possibly expect him to understand? I think step 1 of moving on would be to acknowledge this fact and find some kind of ‘acceptance’ for his reaction. His reaction, although it affected you greatly has been beneficial because now you will be stronger than before. Additionally if you ‘justify’ his behaviour- as in give it a reason as to why he did that- you will be able to move on in peace yourself, knowing that YOU are right, NOT him.

I think this idea links in with the concept in many religions and spirituality theories, almost the ‘missing link’ that our Western society doesn’t show us… You have that ‘gut’ feeling- you knew what was right and you went against it because you had to… If you can match your mind and your heart- acting upon what is right and then truly believing in it and working on it- almost as if you think it’s already completed before having even started, you will achieve it. And I can say this from experience- it has to be the most empowering and motivating factor of all when you truly achieve it.

My best piece of advice would have to be this: Go back to your child-like self. What do you want? Then channel that gut passion and connect it to your mind. You yourself are your biggest motivator, your biggest successes in life come from your satisfaction and your desire. Your dreams are as big as you want them to be.

I know a lot of this ‘spirituality’ stuff can seem overwhelming but try watching some videos with Gregg Braden- he repeats this idea so many times and you will see by numerous examples how it works.

I hope you are able to find some connection between my experiences/ advice and your situation.

Francesca