Claudia,

I can certainly see how you would get to that idea with what’s been written, but I definitely don’t consider myself controlling. I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone who would use that word to describe me. He is more charismatic, social person than I am (or it comes more naturally to him than me). Not to say that I’m not social, but for him it’s second nature. He and I are unbelievably similar. We share the same interests, we both struggle to communicate at times, we’re both stubborn, we come from similar upbringings – I’ve truly never met someone who is so unbelievably in sync with me.

When I say I wish I’d treated him better, I don’t think I treated him badly. I was trusting, supportive, kind. I don’t know where or what I can pinpoint in how I would have treated him better – but if this is what happened, I have to imagine that at some point I wasn’t giving him what he needed or wanted. I really don’t think I took my work stress “out on him,” I do think I talked far too much about work. I do think my stress and unhappiness in my job affected my ability to be carefree and fun at times…but I was never mean or cold or used hurtful words. That’s not who I am. I think loving him was so easy, maybe I got complacent and I wasn’t showing him that I loved him enough.

I don’t know what the future brings…again, right now I’m not sure I care. I’ve definitely been using poor judgement and making reckless decisions, but I don’t really see what difference it makes at this point. I can only feel that I ruined the best thing that I had in my life, I don’t know how, but I must deserve this.