Dear anita,

thank you so much for your answer!

This is absolutely true. It feels like a buried pain inside of myself that bursts out as soon as there is a slight insecurity, or hurt.

I´ve had loving parents, but I always felt like I had no privacy at all. My mom was quite overprotective and I felt so often guilty whenever I wanted to do anything different than my dad, even just stating an opinion was a problem. So I kept quiet and lived as they wanted me to (not going out at night, not telling them about boyfriends etc.).

I haven´t been happy in a long time as I also feel guilty being happy. My boyfriend always tries to make me go out and do things, and I love it as much as I hate it. When we´re on vacation I feel guilty after a short time for enjoying the sun and doing nothing while I know my dad is at home working 24/7 as always.

I´ve got an older sister as well who is always in a bad mood, always complaining about everything. She always got all of the attention at home and I feel drained out after having spent time with her. Which – of course- makes me feel guilty again, as she´s my sister and , as she says, she doesn´t have any friends beside me.

It was hard growing up because I didn´t do the things the others did, so I didn´t have many friends. I used to feel like an alien in school.

So, yes, I don´t really believe that anyone could love me as I am, as I learnt to please the people around me, because I knew that I had to in order to be loved.

I tried talking to my inner child some times, I started crying immediately and tried to calm myself as a child, but it seemed to open wounds instead of healing them.

Any ideas on how to go on from here?

Ana