Dear lostcloud:

I think that the best way to get to know a man is to look for certain things first: is he telling me the truth or is he lying to me, does he keep his word or break it, does he behave respectfully  toward me or is he abusive toward me?

If the answers to these questions are: he lies and/or he doesn’t keep his word, and/or he is abusive- then end the beginning relationship quickly, before it gets physically intimate. This way you don’t get confused by the glimpses of the child locked inside him.

Every cruel person has that child locked inside, including murderers in prisons. Scary, isn’t it?

Of course one’s childhood doesn’t excuse lying, breaking one’s word, disrespecting another, etc. This is why I suggest- end contact once you notice these behaviors.

My point is, distinguish between the two: the man he has become and the child locked in. Most of the time the child who  is locked in, is locked in for the rest of the person’s life. You can’t save that child and you can’t redo a person’s life so that he doesn’t become the man he has become.

I don’t know if I am explaining myself adequately, am I?

anita