Michelle – Thank you for that, I guess that’s exactly what happened: we got to that crunch point, I decided on a resounding ‘yes’ and unfortunately she went the other way. And yea it’s good that I know what I want now, I just can’t imagine at the moment having it with anyone but her, but I suppose that’s probably to be expected right now.

Kkasxo – Yea that’s a good point, I’ve often heard that women mature faster than men anyway and if you throw in the woman being one year older then I can definitely see how that would become an issue. But then I keep coming back to why did she spend those years waiting for me to be what she wanted then break up with me at the point that I started to become it? But I suppose that relates back to Michelle’s point that for whatever reason when it got to the “ok this is serious now” point she realised she didn’t want it. And I guess that’s the part I’ll never get an explanation for, and (based on the few conversations I’ve had with her since) I don’t think she even knows the reason herself, other than “it wasn’t right”.

I’d also like to add, for anyone who comes across this, I’ve found the app ‘Headspace’ very helpful. It’s created by a guy who used to be a Buddhist monk but he realised that lots of people wanted to learn meditation without the religious aspect. It just gives you daily exercises to practice meditation/mindfulness. Unfortunately for me it was actually my ex who put me on to it so I stopped doing it after we broke up as it reminded me too much of her, but I’ve gotten back into it recently and I’ve found that the ‘grief’ sessions on there are really helpful for what I’m going through and the regular sessions had been helping my anxieties greatly before I stopped.