Dear Charley:

Problem is you need your ex’s cooperation and his cooperation with you is limited. As a father he has the same rights as you do, that is, just as you have the right to determine your boyfriend’s involvement with your son (no sleep overs etc.) when your son is with you,  so does your ex, he has a right to determine his girlfriend’s involvement in his son’s life when your son is with him.

As long as nothing illegal is going on, such as leaving your son unattended, using drugs in his presence, hitting him or abusing him otherwise!

Here is a problem: you don’t know how your ex’s girlfriend feels about you. Let’s say she hates you- in this case, if you communicate to her that you would like her to behave a certain way with your son, she may do the exact opposite out of anger.

I don’t know what motivates her- is it fear of being verbally or otherwise attacked by you and/ or is she angry with you, I don’t know. This would be very valuable information to have as you figure out what to do next, if anything at all…

anita