Dear laelithia:

You are welcome. I do hope an SSRI will help you. Like I wrote to you, I took Zoloft (Sertraline) for many years. The instruction was to take it in the morning because it has a stimulant effect on many people. At one point I got off Zoloft for a while. Later I went back on it and it had an intense stimulant effect on me that I didn’t experience before. My psychiatrist at the time prescribed me another SSRI- Luvox (Fluvoxamine) which I was to take before bedtime because it has a sedating effect on most people. The reason I share this with you is that you mentioned that you took ADHD medications before, so I am thinking a sedating SSRI is likely to  work on you, and not a stimulating one.

Regarding why I think it is a bad idea for you to move to Switzerland and live with the man you refer to as your partner, here are my reasons:

My number 7 question to you was: “What will you do if in Switzerland, living with him, and you feel bored with him, and not attracted to him..?”,  and your answer: “I think if this happens we will break up”- well, it will happen that you will feel bored with him and not attracted to him. It happens to every woman, no woman is always entertained and engaged with her partner and always attracted to him, not every day and night, month after month, year after year. A lot of women don’t get alarmed by this, but women who suffer from OCD or OCD traits obsess about this: why am I not attracted to him, what is wrong, and so on (there is a term to  this particular OCD- ROCD standing for Relationship OCD).

And so, it will happen and in your answer you wrote that if it happens you will break up  with him. Might as well save your money and trouble moving with him and surely break up soon after.

Other reasons: “He does seem very wary about financial topics, and although he is well off and in a position to support me a little more, he seems unwilling to do so…he has very little emotional regulation skills when it comes to anger’- not the making of a good partner, especially when you will be living in a foreign country and may need his financial help and dependable emotional support.

*** You wrote: “The one positive of this scenario I can think of is that I  would have known then that I tried everything to make the relationship work, that there was nothing else I could have done”- this is the theme we discussed, The Regret Theme running through your obsessive mind. You are willing to move to Switzerland and experience a failed relationship there just so to not regret not having tried. Your obsessive mind is bypassing reason.

This is why I hope SSRI will help you a lot, to lessen the obsession so that you don’t act unreasonably, and going to Switzerland to live with this man is unreasonable.

anita