Hi Anita,

I am actually seeing a doctor next week to start the ball rolling with an antidepressant. I tried to get in on Friday, but they weren’t able to fit me in. I think you’re right that I have a habit of trying to fill this hole I feel. However with my current boyfriend, it felt different. He felt more like a dear friend to me, I truly believe he cared about me. I just think maybe he was lacking in some personal experience (no prior relationships, living at home when we met) that made it difficult for me to envision a life with him.

We spoke on the phone today and we both cried… he told me he is making this decision for both of us, that he thinks it’s for the best and we will both be happier. I just can’t see that now. I feel lonelier than ever, and I feel like I let him down by talking about my past all the time and burdening him with my anxieties and depression. It feels surreal that just a couple days ago, we were planning for my trip to see him next month. I wish I had just booked this instead of constantly asking him if it was the right thing to do. He said that it was these constant questions and reassurances that I needed that drained him.

Can you tell me, when you wrote “And this is what I believe to be true: the guy from Switzerland, it was not going to work out for you even if you  had no issues. This time, here in this context of this guy, really, it is not your fault. You are not losing anything”, how you know this for sure?

Thank you so much, Anita!