Dear Lost soul:

You are welcome and I appreciate how gently you asked me “what ‘moved the needle’ for you in terms of healing? What put you on the healing path?”

My answer: for decades, I didn’t feel comfortable spending money on psychotherapy for myself beyond a minimal copayment, even though I worked and was able to pay more. The therapists I saw were therapists-in-training, one that was too busy and not attentive, or counselors (not therapists) who had little training and ethics. I didn’t feel comfortable considering paying more because I felt that my money should go to my mother, to make it up to her for her difficult life and for having a daughter as bad and inferior as I … allegedly was.

Fast forward, I got married late in life, almost fifty. The marriage was in trouble very early on. My husband, in early 2011 insisted that I see a psychotherapist and I saw one who charged $100 or more (I don’t remember) per session. He was also a high quality therapist, hard working, very professional, very ethical and generous with his time. My experience with this therapist was different by far from my experience before with any sort-of-therapist. I was okay with paying this much to this therapist because my husband insisted and because I didn’t feel about his money the same that I felt about mine, that is, I didn’t feel that it didn’t belong to my mother.

The therapy was excellent and lasted until August 2013 when my husband and I left the state where we met and lived. From then on, I continued and persevered in my healing process, or journey, continuing my yoga and exercise routine, reading and writing. In May 2015 I posted for the first time on this website and my very active participation here has been very much part of my healing process. I am here and have been here from the start to learn and heal.  It’s been over four years of very active, daily participation on my part.

I struggled a whole lot in the first years since 2011, going back and forth to extremes. At one point, I no longer found myself in extremes and my progress has been more linear since. I am committed to healing and learning today as I have been before.

Did I answer your question adequately?

(I will soon be away from the computer and back I about 18 hours from now).

anita