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Really struggling in a relationship…would love advice

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  • September 24, 2019 at 1:48 pm #314081
    Sophie
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I really need some perspective on my relationship: I honestly feel so confused and lost. I’ll be honest, for the past year my boyfriend hasn’t been amazing but I do love him, he’s always had a very sarcastic and quite negative view on life where as I am quite the opposite. I thought would  this pass/he’d grow out of it/he’d be happier around me, but maybe didn’t realise rather naively that he is very very down in real life (potentially depressed) and I’ve listened, I’ve tried to help but he makes it very difficult he’s got a huge hang up on me trying to control him and ‘have a go’ when I’m just trying to express myself. I guess the crux is I’m very unhappy at the moment and he’s expressed how depressed he is but I just don’t care at this point, I feel so neglected and ignored – I try to bring these things up and he just says I’m always making it about me. I just don’t know what do? Am I bad person? Is it unfair of my to want to bring up my feelings when he’s so down, am I being insensitive?

    S

    xx

    September 24, 2019 at 2:21 pm #314093
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sophie:

    No, you don’t read like a bad person to me. And it is not unfair for you to bring up your feelings when he is down, as long as you bring up your feelings in a responsible way, that is, not going on and on about how you feel, repeating yourself, crying a whole lot, nagging and blaming him for how you feel.

    But you don’t do these things, do you?

    When you see him depressed, you want to fix how he feels, you want him to be happy. Problem when you send him the message that it is not okay with you that he is depressed, the more likely he is to feel depressed and angry about you disapproving of him.

    I am guessing his depression has to do with his difficult life at home, with his family?

    anita

     

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