Dear Maria:

“Maybe because I want to be seen as a good rescuer and receive approval for my behavior”- I think so. But notice this: you want to be seen as a good person. You learned as a child that for you to be a good person means that you need to rescue. But if you didn’t learn that, you could have come up with some other definition of being a good person.

We all want to be valued by others, all social animals do. Social animals pay attention to whether they are valued or  not by others in their social group. It is natural for us, to look for and receive approval by other people.

“Maybe because I invested myself into this friendship”- when we invest a lot in something, we tend to invest more, so to not lose previous investment, even though all we really do is lose more of our resources.

“no way she wouldn’t frame me like the bad guy if I stopped talking to her”- she has been holding  you hostage then, hasn’t she, taking advantage of your fear of being framed as the bad guy.

(it occurred to me just now that there may be a connection between your brother having been the bad-guy in the context of your original family, and you having been the good-girl in that same context; you are afraid perhaps to end up in your brother’s role.. don’t know, you may have a thought about this)

“she makes me believe that SHE needs me to survive”- there’s a sense of power, of importance, when you believe that she needs you to survive.

“whether should I not consider her opinions or should I try harder to build a big social circle”- I think that you should not consider her opinions at all, and that you should end your relationship with her altogether (she will survive!). There is a saying though: even a broken clock is right twice a day. So you see, even she is right at times. Everyone is right at times. But don’t think of your social circle or lack of it through her eyes, or consider her words about it. Think about it without her in mind.

I think you should build a social circle, not necessarily big, but a healthy circle, be it two or three people, at least for now.

Regarding the accident, your best friend getting killed, that tragic accident- I wonder what kind of “best friend” she was, compared to the current “friend”  in your life, how close were the two of you were. I wonder what you felt, if you felt responsible in some way. I will soon be away from the computer for some time. If you would like, we can continue to communicate following today, since the topics are deep and complex.

anita