Hi Anita,

Thank you for the reply. That is a good question about what kind of relationship did I have with my stepmother. I do feel like we had a pretty good relationship. She was in my life for over 30 years. Looking back, we have had some really good times together, some honest conversations, and I do appreciate that she was there for my Dad and helped him enjoy his life. I don’t think that she is a necessarily a bad person, but I do think that I am seeing her dark side. I think that I could express myself in a compassionate way with her. I’m on draft 4 of my letter to her, and the versions are getting less angry and more heart-felt.

I can’t deny that I’ve seen a side of her since my Dad died with regard to the estate that has been unpleasant and frankly feels greedy. I understand her want and need to take care of herself and her daughter. I truly feel that my Dad took good care of her, which enabled her to take care of her own child, which caused an issue for my Dad, and led him to sign over a very lucrative investment property over to her. So I can’t help but feel that my Dad took care of her (and by extension her daughter) to the detriment of his own children. Yes, my Dad made some poor decisions. I think she would agree to that as well. She knows that my Dad day-traded his kid’s retirement away. I told her this recently, and was met with a blank stare, upon which she informed me that my Dad was a gambler with the stock market. I didn’t feel any compassion from her at that point. Which stings…

I don’t have any expectations that she would waive her share of my Dad’s estate. I can’t see myself having any type of relationship with her without being completely honest with what my Dad shared with me and my sister. I do understand that she could refute what I tell her, and even the possibility that she could bring up some unpleasant things that my Dad may have said to her about us. However, I do think that in her heart she would know that my Dad would not be happy with the way things have played out for his children. It feels pointless to pretend that everything is OK. I can accept that my relationship with her may end too.

I’m having a hard time stomaching that after all of the stress and work that my sister and I have done over the last 2 years to get the estate settled, that when it’s all sorted we just hand her a check.