Dear Anonymous:

You are very welcome!

“However, with sex off the table.. I’m wondering if he’d change his mind and put more effort in it. OR if he just doesn’t care about that and continues hooking up with other girls”-

-I am guessing he will continue hooking up with other girls as long as there are other girls willing to hook up with him. I am guessing this because this has been his lifestyle for quite some time, he is used to it, it serves him well, so he is likely to continue it for as long as it is available to him, or at least for a long time.

“In the future, I suppose I shouldn’t jump into sex so soon without more communication? It’s just SO hard to do that when I really enjoy sex.. why deny that experience”?-

-your behavior has to fit your values, for you to be comfortable. If you are okay with hookups, if it suits you, then as long as you practice safer sex, as long as both parties are clear and upfront about the nature of the exchange, then .. well then it suits you.

But if you value commitment, then hookups don’t suit you, leading you to experience conflict and a mix of sexual pleasure and distress.

The solution: if you value commitment and sex, both, then you need both, not one or the other. So yes, in the future, communicate more with a man to determine if there is a match between values and objectives before having sex with him.

anita