Dear Elizabeth:

Welcome to the forum! You shared that you ended a two year relationship six months ago.

You wrote: “I am wondering if there is something wrong with me. In my life whenever I get close to someone I lose interest and want to run away and always do”- it means that when you get close to someone you get scared. When we get scared we are motivated to run away (the Flight response to Fear).

“throughout the relationship the same doubts were at the back of my head- do I really love him? Is he really the ‘one’? Will I regret this?”- the fear brought about these questions. First there was fear, then came the doubts. The purpose of the doubts was to motivate you to run away, that is, to end the relationship.

“But he was different- I felt so comfortable with him and really loved him”- when you were a child you felt very comfortable with a parent and really loved that parent and then that parent hurt you. Fast forward, you feel that comfort and love for this man and you get scared about what is to come next (you being hurt by the object of your love).

When you broke up with him you felt a relief for about two months (no longer scared), but then you started “to worry whether I did the right thing” and you are scared again (“I have anxiety every day and I’m so emotionally exhausted).

More of my thoughts: quality psychotherapy/ counseling will be best for you at this time. Anxiety is indeed exhausting and it often leads to depression. It is rooted in your childhood experience with one or both of your parents. If you would like to let me know of your thoughts about what I wrote here, and maybe  share some about your childhood experience, please do, and I will reply further to you.

anita