Dear Gwen:

You are welcome. You asked: “is it normal to have such parents abusive attitude in the family? Or my case is very abnormal..?

My answer: abusive parents are common. Your father is uncommon because of the combination of the following long term features: financial irresponsibility, extreme selfishness, verbal aggression, some physical aggression, misusing his own daughter for money/ enslaving her (demanding her to provide him with money, and demanding it aggressively, with no gratitude but a sense of entitlement).

In old times, hundreds of years ago, it was not illegal for parents to kill their children for any reason. Parents had full ownership of their children: feed them or not, do to them anything they wish, kill them if they so wish to do. Over time, society evolved and killing one own’s children is illegal. It is illegal to not feed a child and it is illegal to abuse a child in many countries, if not in all. So legally, in much of the world, parents don’t completely own their children, they have to abide by law.

Some societies, depending on parents’ education, are less evolved. Seems like in your father’s mind, as well as your relatives’, a child is still owned by a parent, not only as a child, but as an adult. So your father, believing that he owns you, does as he pleases. He doesn’t even think that he needs to be nice to you so to get your money and services. In his mind, he owns you and you are his slave.

I am guessing that within your culture there are good parents.. even if they don’t have to be good by law or society’s ethics and norms. They care for their children, so they are kind to them. Your father seems to have zero empathy for you, seeing you as an object that he owns, not a living-thinking-feeling human being.

anita