I agree with Michelle, Genie. No need to be sorry for ranting… best here than directed at the people we are anxious about. And no worries, I understand the anonymity  factor.

Sounds like you are recognising the patterns with your ex very well. I believe that you have the fortitude to act accordingly! You have come so far and seem to have a great thing going with Jay. I agree with Michelle about meeting his parents only meaning as much as you want it to mean. I can fully understand why you would feel anxious about it though. I’m glad to read your friends were able to come over and I really hope your sister stays well. It’s so hard not being able to see family – my siblings are in another country and the borders are closed and my parents live I another city here, but both have potential vulnerabilities and should stay home; I’m not particularly close to my family but it’s still definitely worrying.

Hope you are on track to get home still Michelle! I can imagine traveling in this time is certainly interesting.

As for me… was feeling crap this time yesterday cos I reached out to my flirtatious acquaintance seeking a conversation and didn’t get the response I wanted (very surface level). So that I just felt stupid that I went there again. But, as always it was anxiety driven rather than an authentic action. I really need to just learn to sit with the anxiety in times like that and not let it drive who I interact with or how but… still learning.

Also had a few messages with my ex because the Covid 19 situation has escalated here and official govt advice is for people with immunodeficiencies to stay at home so I was worried about her of course especially as her job is one that she can’t work from home from. But they are still going to pay her it looks like – thankfully. Anyway, have tried to express concern without it turning into something more. I think I am keeping good boundaries… like Shelby a few posts ago it all seems very cordial and like we are acquaintances more than anything which hurts a bit. In reality I am thankful we are not together anymore. The logistics and mismatch in communication styles would be pure hell. We would not see each other for months probably, and I would be constantly worried about her and she would get annoyed at me for wanting to check in with her. We had a trial run of this from very early on because she got ill so much she wouldn’t be able to leave the house for days at a time and would have to cancel dates multiple times. It was very stressful and tbh not fulfilling at all. So… all lessons learned, huh! At least she is well practised in self isolating…

Will not really be leaving the house much myself in the foreseeable future; been directed to work from home and avoid public transport and I can’t drive. I still feel more privileged than many though; have had multiple offers of support from all kinds of people. I do need to find more constructive things to do with my time though – apart from talking to friends on the phone which has been lovely I’ve spent most of the time scrolling through social media which is very unhelpful. I will work out a routine for the weeks to come – tips welcome!