Hi Anita,

thank you for the kind words. It feels stressful and like a lot of pressure, as the worst is yet to come.

I completely understand the logic behind sprinkling in niceties to get sex. That much is clear. And as soon as he said 12 years on and off, that raised a red flag. That means he must’ve been toxic as well… could not be all one sided. And it’s proving to be true, the toxicity in him—whether he recognizes it or not.

Im planning on just trying to avoid him as much as I can? Seeing as how some of my friends are his friends, we live blocks away, and we see eachother around our neighborhood in different places (stores, beach, etc) I’m just going to keep it cordial I suppose. Not much else I can do.

Since he has come back around, I’m betting at some point he will try again… in few months or even less. When that happens, what is to be done? I guess just staying strong in my boundary and clarity with what I want in a relationship. I’m hoping I can stay strong and recognize that just because he treats me well one night, doesn’t mean he’s wanting what I want. The sexual attraction is unfortunately very high, I don’t know WHY, so I’ll need to just avoid any situations that could lead to that happening (bars, dinners alone, etc)

My main question now is why do I get stuck up on a person like this? Why do I hang on, thinking if I can make him feel comfortable with opening up more than I’ll feel like proud and happy with myself. Part of me keeps seeing him as this wounded little boy from having toxic relationships to look to, poor parenting, and just difficulty with vulnerability. And I feel for that and can relate. But what is this strong desire to keep poking and prodding and trying?

we spoke before about having a “not good enough” core belief from not being able to change my parents relationship or make a difference in their life. How does this tie into what’s happening with this man?