Dear Javaira:

We communicated last in Feb, but that was a short communication. Most of our communication was way earlier. I think you started a few threads. Why did you feel the urge to delete it all: did you not value our communication?

Regarding the current topic: just because you invited him to dump (“I invited him..”), doesn’t mean you have to be his dumping ground yet  one more day, or .. for the rest of your life. We make poor choices, and when we realize that we did, it is okay to  make new choices.

Just because you agreed with his views before (“I shouldn’t have agreed with.. his views.. even to his smoking habits), doesn’t mean you have a duty to continue to agree with him yet another day, or for the rest of your life. It is okay for us people to change our minds, to abandon poor choices and make better choices.

“Is there an indirect way to tell him that?.. making an excuse of not getting to use my cell phone a lot by my parents.. gradually pull away from our texting time?”-

– not a good idea. Instead, tell him directly. Tell him that you let him vent out, say anything he wanted to day, nodded to a lot of what he said even though you didn’t agree to what he said.. If you tell him this, he will have the opportunity to learn that venting out at length to another person, burdening others with the massive flow of anything and everything that goes through his brain (so to make himself feel better, to lighten his burden) is the wrong thing to do to another person.

Plus, telling him directly, no matter how scary it is for you, will build some courage in you. And that courage will make it easier for to assert yourself then next time, with someone else.

Look for excuses and you’ll run out of excuses; look for the truth and share it, and you will do good to yourself and to others.

anita