Oh dear, the flashbacks!

Listen, I’ve been through the exact same thing back in 2018. The EXACT same thing. And then the guilt tripping, the anxiety, the constant mental torture being called OCD. I hope your therapist adresses it, it’s not mere anxiety or intrusive thoughts – it’s OCD. Believe me when I tell you that since December of 2018 when I broke up with my ex till March of this year, I was being extremely tortured mentally. But what helped me get back my life was that I met an incredible therapist earlier in January. Long story short, I was diagnosed with OCD and through CBT I have seen an amazing difference. Please, I can’t stress this enough, you need to tell this to your therapist and work specifically on this.

Now as for A, I think you realize that he is crying about his own ass. About his own feelings, about his own discomfort, about his own convince. He’s not breaking down in  front of you because of how much he misses you, or how much he loves you or because he realized how incredible you are. Nine months is too damn long to realize true love, especially if you were together with someone for eight years. So I’ll break it down for you: he saw the grass ain’t greener and came back out of convince and narcissism. End of story. He wanted some time alone and GOES OUT WITH FRIENDS PARTYING??!?!? Ok, yeah… No.

I also think he engraved deeply in you that you are the problem. People have mastery over gaslighting and manipulating innocent and sensitive people. He made you BEG for his attention and so you perceived YOU are needy when in fact, someone is needy of something when indeed the don’t have that something! You are hungry when you are deprived of food. The same goes with love. It was done to me and since you too like me had no real experience before, you blamed yourself. Sister, I want to hug you right now.

I’m actually tearing up. I’m sorry if I sound cheesy and all that, but I know your pain. Please fight for B, he sounds like a true, decent guy. A had eight years to make you feel special. Eight whole years. If you relationship was a child, he whould be in primary school! Thing about that! Most marriages don’t last that long even, yet he had the chance and he threw it away.

I know I am a stranger on the web, but take it from me… Yes you have your psychological struggles, yes you need to work on them, yes you need to always check you self worth and never beg BUT you are a normal human being and not everything is your fault. Your relationship with A was toxic because of him being an douche and you being inexperienced. Simple as that.

I hope you get to feel better. You have B and a promise of a better now. Discard the ex. Hope you find peace!