Dear Olga:

“what can I do to ease this  pain and self hatred?”

1. Commit to change your behavior regarding drinking alcohol: see to it that you never drink when out and about around people. Drink responsibly when sitting at the dinner table with your family, knowing you will not be going out that night, or when you are with your boyfriend, knowing that you will be together with him for the rest of the night.

2. See to it that your behavior otherwise fits your values.

3. Understand that outside changing your behavior, there is no use for “pain and self hatred”- that your pain and self hatred benefit  no one, and hurt people who care for you.

anita