Dear YI:

I remember myself losing feelings for people and it overwhelmed me too, it bewildered me: it was like seeing a person a certain way one day, and the next- the person looked like a stranger, unrecognizable, to me. Fast forward, looking back, I understand that it was the way my brain tried to handle fear.

You can’t figure out exactly why you lost your loving feelings this time  but not before: this time, recently, the circumstances were not identical to that of before. The pandemic could have been the factor that made the difference, adding to your anxiety, and there are other differences between this time and before. No way to analyze and draw an exact diagram showing the different factors and influences that made your reaction recently different from before.

Thing to keep  in mind is that you were afraid. When fear is intense enough, we lose the feelings of love and affection. Love and affection are soft-feelings. Fear is a hard-feeling. It is like in bowling: fear is like the bowling ball that knocks down the pins (soft feelings) at the end of the bowling lane.

anita