Dear Jaia:

You are welcome. Many times I read people’s accounts of how wonderful their relationships were before breakups only to learn later that it wasn’t so. But reading your account, I believe that indeed your relationship with him was as high quality as you expressed: “I love him, truly, utterly love him. He loved me too…I felt could be forever… He was my closest person and we shared an incredible bond”.

High quality and time limited. It makes me think of butterflies, some of them are so beautiful, yet they don’t last long. They live for only a week or so.

You already know that you did the right thing, especially considering having a baby with an addict would be the wrong thing to do, for the baby and for yourself, and for the child you have from a previous relationship. What you need is to feel better at this time, to no longer miss him so terribly.

My advice: keep this thread going, communicate with me for some time. Maybe other members will reply to you as well and that will be helpful to you (it’s been very slow here, though). But I am here and we can figure out together what you can do to feel better. The cookie cutter advice for anyone who is distressed is to commit to a daily exercise routine, such as having a 30-60 minute fast walk per day (aerobic exercise is almost magical at times, releasing endorphines, making us feel better), guided meditations (I saw a blog on the home page on the matter), and more. Are you engaged in daily exercise?

anita