Hello,

I’m Lara, the original poster of this thread but I couldn’t retrieve my password.

Thank you both, I agree that I should take care of my happiness and purpose first. As you said Anita, being back in my home country gives me clarity of mind, but that hurts so much.

I asked him about his feelings for me as he could see something was bothering me and wanted to help. He first joked around the question and then said that he cares deeply about me because I’m amazing. Nothing else. He didn’t talk about love, about liking me, nothing. So I guess I got my answer about whether he loves me or not.

We then had an amazing last week together, where we traveled and discovered his region together, went out, eat outside, had fun. He has been his best self, always supportive, patient, willing to accomodate all my wishes, doing everything he could to make me happy even when he was exhausted. Why did he do that?? So I was on cloud nine and didn’t break up.

But since I’m here, I’m questioning myself again. He said he would get a passport done and would come to visit me in 3 months, but I kind of doubt he is going to do it. And we don’t have much to say to each other when we call. The time difference is not convenient and doesn’t help at all.

I’m wondering why he keeps entertaining this relationship when he knows I have feelings for him and told him I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love him.

Also, something really bothered me and always had : he is super sweet and smiling with me but always pretty bad with waiters, salesperson, cashiers… He never smiles, is barely polite, always cold… I’m always embarrassed because Hello, please thank you and a smile don’t cost anything and it betters everyone’s day. I don’t understand why he treats other people like that when he can be so warm and nice with me.

Even if I can see we are not compatible on the long term, I can’t decide myself to break up, the nice memories of our great time together and all his efforts are still fresh and he looks sincerely happy to see me when we video chat. I’m really lost.