This is a very sad story and difficult for you McCloud Antonov. You describe a woman who has different goals in life than you have. Her goal is not to be married to you, not to be faithful, and to “party” which is what we call the overly using of drugs and alcohol where I live. You want her to change and you want a marriage that is good. What if this was wishful thinking? What if all the wishing and hoping and praying can’t make her change? You can stay in this turmoil for years and years hoping and wanting her to become the wife of your dreams. She wants her freedom.

What you tell your son is that your wife, his mother, wanted her freedom and not to be married any longer. This doesn’t mean you were a bad husband. We have to stop making this a catastrophe or the worst thing in the world. There is shame in your head I think that this woman would turn out to not want you as a husband. Sometimes our shame leads us to behavior that is bad for ourselves in that we chase what we can’t have.

Only you can decide what to do, how to handle this matter. If you stay married, you won’t be able to focus on the son and your pilot school program because you will be chained to the misery of wanting her to change and be a good wife. If you get divorced, you will feel other emotions, sadness, maybe shame as your culture says divorce is so bad, maybe loneliness, etc. You have to decide do you let go of this woman so that you can move forward in life to achieve your own goals, and perhaps find a new wife who has the same goals as you? Or do you stay in the chaos and the emotional turmoil of refusing to divorce her in the hopes that she will change. Even if she comes back, you will have all this anger and memories of how she has behaved. The way you describe her means a huge change in her to be a “good wife” to you. Some people just can’t be what we want them to be. Sounds like this woman just can’t be the kind of wife you want and need. I am sorry, I know this is really hard for you. I wish you the best.