“what this sentence means is that he does not know, for all practical purposes.” => So if we read pretty basic here, what we could say is that his lack of maturity/experience in longterm relationship made him confused about the behaviors/gestures to adopt toward me and then, combined to his disorders “he got scared, and he spit out the fear by saying what he said”?

“reads to me that he assumed there was something wrong in the situation (that meeting) because like you wrote, he has the “tendency to see the negative side in every situation”. So you were tired during that meeting, not in as good a mood as before, and he saw a lot in the situation that was not there. Maybe what he saw was that you don’t like him, that you were angry with him (I don’t know).” => i totally agree here. Having now a different look on the situation i would even go on an earlier stage in the relation when it comes to not being in as good a mood as before. When we decided to give a try, a few days after we met for the first time and from this moment his issues really started. The second time we met, his issues totally reached a pic. The third time was the day after the exam. And the last time he decided to stop everything. Looking at the situation it was normal not to feel well but he told me “i didn’t feel like it”. Something was wrong, was not here anymore since the first meeting. I would say logically the well-known butterflies in the stomach, as these feelings at the beginning of a relationship got literally killed because of what was happening in his life i guess? “The honeymoon phase is over for me” he said. But i mean, what was i supposed to do? Doing like if nothing happened for him and try to make the honeymoon phase as alive as possible? That sounds kinda unfair to me toward him.. and pretty stupid, he was sad, confused and what would have been the point to “force” him to fake being happy? Mostly when he told me that his way to cope sadness was to isolate himself and listen to some music.

“In him mind, being in a relationship with you was dangerous. So he looked for a reason to end the relationship.” => And what if the danger here was simply the commitment? He was kind of a roller-coaster physically talking (but again, i told him i didn’t mind knowing what he went through), which wasn’t the case before we decided to give a real try. What if for him, being touchy/cuddly meant accepting to let someone getting closer to him and in my case it would mean accepting that we were getting attached to each other and therefore making real the commitment? What if his issues aggravated his intrusive thoughts concerning the relation/commitment? It sounds a bit far-fetched no?

Also, i would like to “compare” with my very first boyfriend (OCD diagnosed as well but at that time i wasn’t aware of the signification of that disease and i didn’t look at all about the symptoms). I stayed with that guy from our 15/16 until our 17/18. He lost his mother when we were 16, he went into a definitive fight with his father (he doesn’t talk to him anymore) and he went to a psychiatric hospital for 6 months. Everything happened when it was only a few months we started to date. How comes he never talked about the end of the “honeymoon phase” and so? I am clearly more connected to the current guy than i was with my ex. This is where i would like to understand to which extent his behaviors toward me could be explained through the prism of OCD. With my ex we were at the same stage in our studies (high school students, same school) while it’s not the case with my other guy. We were both living at our parent’s houses, which is again not the case in the actual situation. And we were the same age (gap of 2 years with the guy now). “It is scary to believe that one is defective, inadequate, incompetent, and/or unacceptable. (feeling of shame)” => could it be a part of the explanation?

And did he make for real his final thoughts concerning me and him? I am still wondering this, looking at the kind of conversations we have pretty often. To be honest sometimes i feel like he gets carried away by his emotions, we talked a lot just like we used to do during that short period of honeymoon and a few days after he does two steps behind in the sens where he got almost “cold”. I know his therapy is something extremely new and he won’t have serious results before at least 6 months but i’d like to understand this point. Does his introvert part plays a role here? Is this possible to feel socially exhausted even through an online chat? Some of my friends told me that if i felt like he was getting carried away by the situation i should tell him and ask him what was his point toward me. To be honest i don’t really feel to do that, as i’m extremely low in mental and physical energy, i don’t even want to try to move the situation in a way or in another. I just want to see if i could figure things out by myself with external points of view..

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Lea.