We have to feel strong enough inside to say no when it is a no. He is not going to become more structured or plan ahead type. Yes, stick to your limits and don’t cave in. This is the people pleasing side of us that is really about seeking approval and the need for others to like us so we can like ourselves. Plan A has a flaw: he is how he is and he may or may not learn that he needs to plan ahead with your time. Plan B has a flaw: your giving in so much in order to see him, basically sacrificing the needs of your children/family on constant short notice. Plus it makes us resent that we are the only reasonable ones and doing all the giving. To be with a man, do we have to do all the giving? I am going to suggest Plan C: See him when it is convenient and works for you within the boundaries of your reality, your life, your kids’ needs. Stop worrying about whether or not he will love/like you less if you are unavailable. Let him know the weekend that is your child free weekend if you want. Go on about your life. Recognize that this is who he is and when it meshes with your availability, then enjoy seeing him. When it doesn’t mesh with your availability, be okay with saying no. Learning to be firm in our personal boundaries is a lesson many of us struggle with but not being firm with the things we feel we should say no about only leads to inner turmoil and resentment of the person we are saying yes to.