Dear Rlkki:

You shared that you are in a casual, long term, “more than sex” relationship without a label (including the label “relationship”) with an emotionally unavailable man. You “don’t want judgments about emotionally unavailable men”, and you are not asking if you should continue to see him. You think that you are emotionally unavailable yourself. The two of you are not monogamous, don’t plan to be monogamous, and marriage is not in the plans.

He works two jobs 4-5 days and 7 nights per week. You are have kids living at home (schools are closed because of the pandemic), and one of your kids is too young to be  left alone. You work 5 days a week (from home, I am guessing?) Problem is that you don’t get to see him because he texts you about getting together too soon before proposed get-together so you don’t have the time to arrange for a babysitter, get your kids dinner etc. You told him you need an earlier notice, a few hours notice, so to prepare, but he keeps texting you to get together without the earlier notice you requested, “him never changing how/when he asks me, also not being available when I ask him out because of his schedule”.

You wrote that the Buddhist side of you says you should stick to your limits and not “cave in”- I don’t understand what you mean by caving in (I don’t think you mean to leave your children alone so to see him.. or have him in your home with your children)?

anita