Dear Jeff,
I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. It is such a tough time.

I too went through a divorce after 17 years with my husband. My first piece of advice is to allow yourself time to grieve. You can’t move from all you’ve known in your married life without grieving it’s loss. Don’t be too hard on yourself, allow yourself to feel the grief.

My second piece of advice is to still attempt to be amicable with your ex-wife. Not for yourself, or for her, but for your children. They love you both, you two are the most important people in the world to them and nothing hurts a child more than seeing their parents fight. Their ability to cope with this situation really does depend on how you two respond to each other. If you need to fight/discuss/argue, do so in private when the children aren’t around.

Thirdly, there is life after divorce. Just don’t force it. Look after yourself, your health, your children and the rest will follow. I personally saw a counsellor to help me adjust and he recommended a book for me to work through. It may be worth a look if you’re interested or when you’re ready. It is called “Rebuilding when your relationship ends” by Dr Bruce Fisher. He also holds seminars in the US if that is where you are based.

In Australia we have a place called Relationships Australia that hold courses to help you rebuild and restart after a relationship breakdown. I’m not sure if there is anything similar where you are, but if so, perhaps something along those lines may be helpful to you.

Good luck with everything Jeff