I see, I think I’m starting to understand many things which happened during summer then. Once, we spent one week talking everyday in average 6/7h per day. We were getting very closes (sending to each others videos of us playing music especially for the other and so) and the week after, all of sudden he.. “disappeared”. Well, not disappearing but we talked much less and when I did references to the week before he seemed less comfortable I’d say, I don’t know how to correctly express the feeling I had from him at this moment. Point is, I was kinda confused, jumping from getting closes to almost strangers.. And he did the same many times through the past few months actually. Most part of my confusion comes from that behavior towards me. I mean, again, I think that if the person you talk with make you feel completely indifferent (pure friendship feelings), aren’t you supposed to be more.. constant? Also, it shouldn’t trigger his anxiety, you shouldn’t be scared about the person mostly when you both have made your positions. He insisted a lot to keep in touch after he decided to stop everything. I made my positions towards him, I told him I didn’t expect anything from him and that I was ok to keep talking to him so technically nothing was supposed to trigger him anymore right?

Now it’s a bit different, we have less time to talk as we have both started university again and he has a very busy schedule. Plus, according to himself, “I like socializing with people in the class but oh god, it drains so much energy from me, i’m feeling so exhausted”.

So I don’t know, I have this inner guts that it’s not over with him but we need space and distance, we can’t continue like this and I can’t force destiny. I’m accepting the fact that he’s not ready yet and that he won’t before a longtime. I just wished he would have been direct with me about what I was for him the same way he was when he decided to stop.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Lea.