Dear Katrine Nielsen:

You politely suggested to your older sister, 35, that the people she invited to your parents’ house shouldn’t stay too long. In response she “started yelling and screaming.. pulling her hair and rolling around on the floor” before she verbally attacked your parents. You mentioned that she has been brain damaged for 23 years.

Unless your sister starts yelling, screaming, pulling her hair and rolling around on the floor from time to time, randomly (not only when being told something she doesn’t like), then her behavior is an expression of her anger and is motivated by seeking control- to have her guests stay as long as she wants them to stay, and not be told what to do and what not to do, in her parents’ house.

Following your sister’s behavior, your mother is “crying all day and refusing to talk”. Your father “doesn’t think it’s that bad.. my mom and me were always the ones to do the heavy lifting”.

My advice at this point: stop doing the heavy lifting. Your father is not wrong in the sense that the behaviors you described on the part of your sister (above) and of your mother (“been on the edge for years.. been needing this for twenty years but refuses to accept help”) have been happening for decades and yet, everyone in the household is alive and functioning not better, but not worse than before.

Notice your mother “refuses to accept help”- she doesn’t want your help, don’t chase her to accept your help.

I  know the experience, my mother did not discipline herself either- she expressed her hurt and anger, and her misery otherwise in all kinds of overly dramatic ways, probably exaggerated, so to watch me being worried about her. It harmed me so much to be a witness of her undisciplined behaviors.

Of course, not living in that troubled home is best for you, but I read your previous thread and I understand that you were forced to return from London to your native country.. too bad. I hope you post again.

anita