Dear Shelly:

I assumed your affair with this married man was sexual because you wrote earlier that “he is cheating his wife”, that you feel the “thrill of affair”, and you asked: “am I being used here?.. Am I being fooled here?.. is it just a phase he is enjoying conveniently!.. why not open up this secret affair in front of his wife..”.

In your recent post, you wrote that the affair “is not sexual”. So, what you meant earlier by him cheating his wife, was that he was cheating on her emotionally, not sexually. I wonder what kind of thrill you experience at times, with him (“thrill of affair”), and in what ways you think that he is using you (?)

I wonder in what ways you think that he “is enjoying” himself, if the affair is not sexual…(?)

I also wonder about the nature of the secrecy (“this secret affair”)- do you meet in secret to talk, to just talk, maybe hold hands.. (?)

* Some people do not refer to sexual activities that are not sexual intercourse,  as having sex, so I am thinking that the two of you may be engaged in sexual activities, just not intercourse. I don’t know.

As you noticed I placed my question marks in parentheses, which means that I don’t expect you to answer my questions, knowing you may feel uncomfortable to do so. You are welcome to answer them, or not. I ask questions only for the purpose of understanding the situation.

anita