Dear anita,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I admire how you commit so much of your time to being there for others. Let me dive a little bit deeper into my original post.

The “horrible” part of the breakup for me was the wrath of emotions that came with it. There was obviously sadness, but also a lot of betrayal, anger, embarrassment and confusion.

As I had mentioned, he moved on right away. Towards the end of the relationship I had asked questions about the friendship with his female friend. He lied and denied the feelings and told me to trust him. All while he was already weighing his options and deciding who would “make him happier”. I also know that a lot of this comes from a hurt ego. Being rejected & having someone chosen “over” you and seeing them happy 2 years on is a blow to your ego.

I also mentioned his family embracing the new girlfriend, just like they did with me. When we broke up, each family member reached out to me individually to express their sadness about our breakup and wishing me the best. We very much had become a part of each other’s lives. I know it is irrational to feel a slight sting of betrayal and being afraid to be forgotten, because of course they include her as his significant other. Them connecting with her now hurts me the most – I don’t think I miss my ex anymore, but I miss his family.

Now towards my situation today. I believe that I have an dismissive avoidant attachment style. I feel uneasy with sharing my feelings openly and I can also be critical towards my partner. That makes me wonder if after putting myself out there and being rejected in my last relationship, I am scared of fully open up to my new partner. He wears his heart on his sleeve and it makes me feel very pressured and stressed. I almost feel embarrassment when someone asks us about our relationship. I don’t want to say out loud that I like him, also due to the reason that I am not sure how much I actually do like him.

At the same time – bc of all his positive qualities I mentioned in the first post – I am afraid to miss out on a great guy, just because maybe my subconscious is trying really hard to protect myself from not being hurt again and won’t let me develop real feelings.

I want to start gaining clarity as my current partner does not deserve to be left in the dark about my internal conflict. I feel like I am running in a circle and would so much like to simply look forward.

All the best,

Explorer