Dear anoymous03:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words and good wishes!

In the following I will focus on the intestines and not on the stomach because your IBS history includes the intestines and my experience is strictly about the intestines. I have no doubt that there is a physical dysfunction in the operation of my intestines and in yours, after all, constipation is a dysfunction. As we age, our bodied function less and less effectively, and that is one reason why, as far as I know, almost every elderly person is constipated.

IBS-C is about over-sensitivity to the physical sensations that accompany constipation= the bloating, which constitutes the stretching and expansion of the walls of the intestines,  and the felt-movement of the waste material and gas within the walls of the intestines. A doctor in 2019 diagnosed you with “visceral hypersensitivity”- which is an over-sensitivity to sensations of the viscera= internal organs, intestines included.

The pregnant look makes it worse, and so does the feel of tight clothing against the distended belly, but even when not distended (pregnant looking), the physical sensations I mentioned above are still very distressing to a person suffering from IBS-C.

In other words, a person suffering from constipation suffers, a person suffering from constipation and IBS-C suffers a whole lot more.

Here is what I suggest:

1) Improve your nutrition so that your body receives the nutrients it needs, including oil such as in olive oil and avocado, and keep a food diary and avoid foods that disagree with you. Regarding certain healthful foods that disagreed with you in the past (“I have cut out certain foods, but it is affecting my health”), you may want to re-introduce those healthful foods in small amounts because they may  not disagree with you in smaller amounts or when eaten not in combination with certain other foods, or it may be that you incorrectly assumed in the past that this or that healthful food was the cause of your discomfort. Regarding portions: eat adequate portions even though you feel full and bloated- the sensations of fullness in the intestines do not indicate that you ate enough or too much (“I eat smaller portions.. because I get full really fast and my belly already is s heavy”).

2) In your mind, separate these two items: item # 1, constipation, item # 2,  IBS, and focus on treating the constipation. There is a lot of online literature on the topic and when you visit a doctor next, you may want to bring up constipation as a separate issue that needs to be seriously addressed.

IBS-C in essence is an anxiety disorder that is attached to the constipation experience: the sensations in the intestines are sent to the brain and the brain interprets those sensations as DANGER. The result: anxiety every time we feel bloated, or every time we are think of becoming bloated again.

You wrote that the discomfort is there all the time, that you “haven’t had a relief in a year and half”- I am sure it feels like it, but I doubt that you didn’t have a moment or an hour here or there where you felt relief. I will share with you my personal experience of relief with some caution: red wine never failed to give me relief from IBS.

I read about your suffering, which I am familiar with personally. Here is my suggestion regarding how to deal with item #2 (in addition to doing all you can to resolve item # 1): accept IBS as it is now in your life: don’t wish it to be gone, don’t wait for it to be gone. Don’t put living on hold until that time you hope to not suffer IBS anymore.

“About your advice as to relaxing myself, I can’t seem to. I really don’t know how except for exercising”- focus then on other things- on your work, on whatever it is that will get your interest and curiosity going. IBS is about your focus being on your intestines. Once your focus is elsewhere– you will feel a relief from IBS.

Regarding your mother, you wrote: “I  may just be as guilty of psychologically abusing her”- no, you are not. You are not guilty of abusing her. In the context of you and your mother, she has been 100% your victimizer, and you have been 100% her victim.

I don’t know anything about your father, but any man would want to get away from a woman like your mother ASAP. He got away from her because he was able to, being an adult, and left you with her, knowing that you were not able to get away from her.

anita